you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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