FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
