I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
