I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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