Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
