Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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