Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
