it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
