I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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