Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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