she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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