carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
