Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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