Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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