ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
