It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
