until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
