They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
