Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
