6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
