he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
