At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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