She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
