I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
