sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
