In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
