Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
