That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
