i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
