I accidentally had phone sex last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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