He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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