my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
