My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Randomize
