I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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