was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
