He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
