Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
