weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
