I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
