We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
