well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
