i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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