I wish I could teleport
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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