I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
