dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
