the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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