You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
