Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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