i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
