dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
