so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
