So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
