Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
