She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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