I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
