I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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