if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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