Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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