My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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