In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
