so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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