Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
