Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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