do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
