stop calling my apartment porn island.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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