Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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