Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
