i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
