I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
