This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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