Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
