i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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