I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize