help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
