god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
